Perez Hilton Does His Part To Ensure Our Collective Cultural Death Spiral Continues Apace

I’m not sure which is more depressing; the fact that Perez Hilton has officially become a published author, or the fact that there is apparently a large enough potential customer base to warrant his blathering being made available in book form.

Do the majority of his site’s regular visitors actually, like, read books?

 

Michael Savage Wants To Know Why Anyone Would Ever Travel Anywhere

So I was listening to Michael Savage’s radio show yesterday (don’t ask), when he brought up this recent article in the L.A. Times, entitled “Athens overrated? Yes, and there’s more such travel spots”. I’m guessing what the author might’ve been shooting for is that there ARE more such travel spots. But I digress. Ol’ Mikey seemed rather perplexed by the notion that there could possibly be a reason to, like, go other places, because he likes “his bed” and “his curtains”.

Well shit, Cleetus, I ain’t got no idea why’s anyone would think goin’ to other places wouldn’t be no complete waste of time. What use do I got for fuhrners? Ah don’t wanna leave behind mah freedom fries and “Bless the Troops” car magnet just to go subject mahself to those feckin’ America hatin’ terrorists and their devil talk. They’s probably all a buncha ho-mo-sectuals anyhow.

Why would any self respecting person want to waste their time exposing themselves to different cultures? You have posed a question for the ages, Monsieur Savage.

Might it be to *gasp* learn a thing or two? Expand their worldview? I know, I know… those things are icky and knowledge is dangerous. But bear with me here, my real issue is with the ridiculous twit that wrote the article to which you are referring.

 

Ford to single-handedly resurrect the struggling American auto industry!

In these uncertain economic times, when you, as a consumer, go to make a sizeable vehicular purchase, what do you rank highest in terms of importance? Fuel economy? Safety features? Cost of ownership? Fuck no! All of those things would be rendered rather moot if your car didn’t have a video camera-based parking system, dontcha think? And it works in downhill parking situations, so suck on that Toyota!

Thank you, American car manufacturers, for responding to the marketplace and providing us with the frivolity and unnecessary features we’ve been demanding!

 

Some people will tell you that there is no such thing as a stupid question.

Others insist that inner beauty is what really matters. These people are almost invariably stupid and ugly. Of course there is such a thing as a stupid question. I should know, I answer people’s inane questions for a living. As an independent contractor for a certain “mobile answering service”, I subject my poor, poor grey matter to the intellectual musings of the general population on a near daily basis.